#Star ocean the last hope romance free#BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS PRIVATE TIME LIKE ABC BROADCASTING YOUR INTIMATE INTERACTIONS TO THE NATION! Listen, I don't begrudge anyone taking advantage of a free vacation on Disney's dime – in fact, everyone should get a free vacation from Disney as some sort of reparations for the "Lion King" remake. The two try to explain that they've come back to the beach to reconnect and be alone together in a way they haven't been since their child was born. (*Sigh*) Which brings us to the first of WAAAY too many Ashley and Jared updates. Man, Jill just can't get a win this season, can she? NOT DARK ENOUGH, though – because Justin and Jill can both see the two mouth jousting. Lo and behold, after a calm settles over everyone, both Lace and Jill make moves on Rodney – with the former making the biggest impact, flirtily chatting before venturing off to make out in the darkest part of the beach. Brandon, like the champion guy he is, gives Rodney a pep talk and reminds him there are plenty of other potential matches on the beach. Rodney's the only one actively affected by this turn of events since he asked her out on a date but now she's got a date with a plane back to America. Calm down, everyone you're all acting like you all found out a Try Guy cheated on his wife. Last we checked, Teddi broke up with Andrew and bailed – which everyone seems to be taking A LOT harder than Teddi and Andrew. OK, but first let's talk about some ACTUAL contestants – you know, the REASON WHY WE'RE HERE. And also they keep talking about farts and pee.ĪBC brought these two on to inspire and hearten their contestants – but instead they're coming off like a sad cautionary tale. Or, more accurately, they're like awkward college alums who keep going to house parties and drinking at the campus bar seven years after graduating, refusing to move on and get a life. Do you know how hard it is to be the most unwanted visitor on a beach occupied by Romeo, Shanae and an army of wild crabs? AND YET Ashley and Jared are pulling it off, acting like houseguests who haven't picked up on what the coffee means at the end of the night. Ashley and Jared were still there, for some reason. The contestants get false hope, Ashley and Jared get a free vacation away from their newborn, ABC gets enough filler to get the episode to two hours and we get some dead air to go to the bathroom or refresh our drinks: EVERYONE WINS!īut then a week later . Cue the new generation of contestants talking about how the married duo is TOTALLY evidence that the process works and how "Paradise" isn't ENTIRELY a drunken cavalcade of messy decisions. Of course the show would bring in one of the spin-off's few success stories to re-re-retell their tale of hard-earned romance as well as play relationship guru for the fledgling couples. It seemed innocent enough when Ashley and Jared dropped by "Bachelor in Paradise" last week.
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